[Vision2020] Dr. Oz Hopes to Replace Rand Paul as Biggest Quack in Senate (SATIRE)

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Wed Dec 1 14:48:44 PST 2021

Courtesy of the New Yorker at:


Dr. Oz Hopes to Replace Rand Paul as Biggest Quack in Senate

PENNSYLVANIA (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his decision to enter the political sphere, Dr. Mehmet Oz said that he hopes to oust Rand Paul as the biggest quack in the United States Senate.

Oz said that Paul, a former ophthalmologist, has shown an impressive obliviousness about medicine while serving in Washington, but added, “I think I can out-quack him.”

“In the many times he’s grilled Dr. Fauci, has he ever asked him about the health benefits of magic coffee beans or umckaloabo-root extract?” Oz said. “I think America deserves a senator who will ask those tough questions.”

Paul, speaking to reporters, seemed unfazed by Oz’s determination to supplant him as the Senate’s top quack.

“I respect Dr. Oz as a fellow-charlatan, and the competition can only light a fire under me to become a bigger charlatan myself,” he said. “But if, in the end, he winds up besting me, I’ve had a good run.”


Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .

"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”
- Roy E. Stolworthy
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