[Vision2020] Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet (SATIRE)
thansen at moscow.com
Mon Apr 22 09:15:11 PDT 2019
Courtesy of the Onion at:
Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet
FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the Princeton Review on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row. “More than any of its celestial neighbors, Earth is the place to let off some steam and get a little crazy with your friends every night of the week,” said associate editor Blake Kalfus, adding that the planet was the only known celestial body to possess sufficient oxygen for top EDM DJs like Afrojack and Steve Aoki to survive. “With its solid terrestrial surface layer capable of supporting millions of clubs and two-for-one drink specials, there’s no party destination within 1000,000 light-years that’s more electric than Earth. And that doesn’t even count the more relaxed vibe you get on its nearby moon.” Meanwhile, Kepler-138d, Earth’s longtime rival for most popular party planet, reportedly fell from second place to 16th after the gas giant banned fraternities.
Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .
"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)
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