[Vision2020] Merrick Garland Says He Enjoys a Nice Lemonade Now and Again (SATIRE)

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Mon Oct 1 06:21:12 PDT 2018

Courtesy of the New Yorker at


Merrick Garland Says He Enjoys a Nice Lemonade Now and Again

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that he owed it to the American people to explain his drinking habits, Judge Merrick Garland said on Sunday that he enjoys “a nice lemonade now and again.”

“I have, from time to time, indulged in a frosty lemonade,” Garland told reporters. “Especially on a hot summer day, it can’t be beat.”

Garland, whom Barack Obama nominated as a Supreme Court Justice, said that, if he had been granted a confirmation hearing, “I would have spoken about my weakness for a nice lemonade as candidly and completely as possible.”

The judge said that he did not believe that his love of lemonade would have prevented him “in any way” from being an effective Supreme Court Justice.

“When I say I enjoy a nice lemonade, I mean just one,” he said. “I know my limit.”


Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .

"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)
Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho
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