[Vision2020] Marine Task Force to offer free breast exams to female service members (SATIRE)

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Thu Jul 20 05:23:46 PDT 2017

Courtesy of DuffelBlog at:



Marine Task Force to offer free breast exams to female service members

PENTAGON – A new Marine Corps task force has arisen in the wake of recent Tricare cuts that deny coverage of critical medical care to female service members.

Task Force TITTI, or The Tactical Investigation of T-shirt Toys and Implants, was staffed in record time when the cuts were announced, according to Vice Adm. C. Forrest Faison III, chief of the Navy’s Bureau of Medicine and Surgery.

“Those heartless bastards at Tricare said they wouldn’t cover things like 3D mammograms for the ladies, and with budget cuts, there was nothing we could do, so the Marines really took matters in hand,” said Faison.

The TITTI Task Force offers DD, 3D, and FF breast exams in makeshift clinics located in barracks rooms, unused hangar spaces, and locker rooms aboard all Marine Corps installations.

“The TITTI Task Force motto is ‘Never Leave a Mammary Behind,’” said Maj. Steve “Squeezer” Goodman, an unmarried Harrier pilot. “We also thought about ‘Jarheads for Jugs,’ ‘Leathernecks for Lady Lumps’ and ‘Marines for Milk Bottles’ but officially went with the first one,” Goodman added.

Though the American Cancer Society recommends women start receiving mammograms around age 45, TITTI Task Force services are available to female Marines and sailors of all ages and ranks. The female service members were contacted by phone, text, e-mail, certified mail, posters, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all-hands formations regarding the availability of free breast exams, which the task force recommends for all women over the age of 18.

“I wanted to set the example for the young female Marines and the larger males with man-boobs of taking care of myself, so I swung by one of the clinics,” said Master Gunnery Sgt. Sheila Smith. “The corporal I saw said he had formal training from a corpsman and was happy to help out a GILF like me. I don’t know what a GILF is, but he was very polite and had warm hands.”

Seeing the success of the TITTI Task Force and fearing deeper, harder cuts by Tricare, the Navy formed its own task force to provide free testicular cancer screenings, piloting the program on submarines fleet-wide.


Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .

"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)
Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho
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