[Vision2020] Coast Guard in Mar-a-Lago performs daring rescue of 100 Golf Balls (SATIRE)

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Mon Aug 7 05:19:29 PDT 2017

Courtesy of the DuffleBlog at:



Coast Guard in Mar-a-Lago performs daring rescue of 100 Golf Balls

MAR-A-LAGO, Fla. — The U.S. Coast Guard successfully saved 100 golf balls in a daring rescue Sunday from the perimeter of Mar-a-Lago, also known as the “Winter White House,” sources confirmed today.

A Coast Guard MH-65 helicopter crew and a boat crew based in Miami received a request to assist the commander in chief from the Mar-a-Lago club in regards to a series of missing golf balls from a recent tee off.

The crew located the distressed golf balls and safely transported them to the club to meet with awaiting and concerned club members, according to officials. The small boat station also sent a another boat crew to do a subsequent search in the off chance of stray balls that may have drifted from the search area.
“Golf ball sinkings, such as these, all too often end disastrously. Thankfully our brave men and women in the Coast Guard were able to locate and perform this rescue seamlessly and utilize their professional training for something worth while,” said Capt. Alan Shaver, chief of response for the Coast Guard’s Seventh District.

“I am so happy for the continued help of the Coast Guard in stopping the terrible loss of these precious golf balls and their ongoing effort to save us thousands of dollars of brand new golf balls,” President Donald Trump tweeted late Sunday. He then went on to bash the liberal media for not covering the rescue.

According to senior defense officials, the rescue was part of the Coast Guard shit in focus from search and rescue, drug interdiction, harbor patrol, security boardings, maritime environmental response, homeland security, and migrant interdiction on the Palm Beach coastline to ensuring the protection of the resort and dragging the perimeter for otherwise lost golf balls for the commander and chief.


Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .

"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)
Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho
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