[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?

[Donovan Arnold]

Thanks Scott, that does help. I think that is a good litmus test, how long I can spend in a room with someone and not want to kick them out, or them me. I don't think however I am compatible with someone that is like me. I like dating someone that is different and therefore more interesting. There are few, is any people I like sharing most my time and space with.  I know the odds are slim of it lasting forever, but you never know unless you try, yes? I just, honestly, don't want to wake up two decades from now, be alone, fat, wrinkled, and missed out on sharing my old age and troubles with someone. 
 
Donovan J. Arnold

From: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
To: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com> 
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:20 PM
Subject: RE: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?


The utmost importance is to find someone you're compatible with and who's compatible with you.  That answers all of your questions below.  A good test of compatibility is to spend a lotta, lotta, lotta, time with them.  If you spend 3 hours with them and then need 3 days away from them to recover from being sick of being around them, then that's a good indication of incompatibility.  If you can travel in close quarters for a solid month where you're pretty much together 24 hours a day and you don't get sick of each other and in fact thoroughly enjoy each others company during that time, that might be a good indication that you can hang together and might have a lot in common.  If you get married to this person, you have a 50/50 chance - at the absolute very best - at making it the distance (death).

I took a psychology class many years ago and the marriage statistics back then were bleak.  The prof categorized US marriages such that out of every 10 marriages: 5 of them ended in divorce, 2 of them stuck together because of convenience, 1 of them was a dead marriage, 1 stuck together for the sake of their kids, and 1 was a happy marriage.  The moral of the story was that you had a 10% chance of being happily married - and I guess you just hope to God that your spouse is equally happily married otherwise he/she can simply just say 'bye-bye' and there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do to keep your marriage from dissolving like so many of them do.

By the way, I've never bought into the idea that 'relationships are work' - except for bad ones.  Those can be a frustratingly pile of work.  Why bother?  Life is too short to be stuck in a crappy relationship.

Best wishes in finding your soul mate!

-Scott



Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:41 -0700
From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
To: vision2020 at moscow.com
Subject: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?


I was wondering what people look for in a life partner, what standards do they have. 

What is most important in a relationship?

What character traits do you look for?

What are the deal breakers, in terms of looks, behavior, and attitude?

What about looks vs. personality? Would you be willing to have a partner you know you would not find that attractive in the near future, but they had a loving character and personality? 

How about their health, would you continue to be with someone even if you knew they would leave you old and alone? Would you stay with them and do that to them?

What about financial success? Do they need to be at a certain level, or is any financial situation OK with a partner you love?

People that got divorced, what do you suggest would make a relationship last, not last?

How much are you allowed to demand from your partner, and how much should you be willing to change for them?

How about fidelity? Would you marry if you thought you could not be faithful, or you felt they would not be? How about infidelity after, should it end, or accepted?

Does the idea of being faithful, and being 50/50 partners with person for the rest of your life, for better or worse scare you? 

I know these are kind of personal, and you can be vague, but I am kinda wondering if other people think and feel about these issues the same as I do. I've never seriously thought about this stuff before because I was young, and marriage was illegal for me until recently. It wasn't really in the cards until now.  Now that I am getting older and marriage is an actual choice, this is kind of new for me so I have not had the opportunity to consider and experience these things like many of you have been fortunate/unfortunate to have done for your entire life. Any insights you can give me would be appreciated. 


Donovan J. Arnold
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