[Vision2020] A Letter from Rick Perry (Andy Borowitz)

[Ron Force]

September 14, 2011
A Letter from Rick Perry
Introducing PerryCare™  
Dear American,

For the last few weeks I’ve been under constant attack.  My opponents 
would have you believe that if I’m elected, you’ll be stripped of your 
Social Security benefits and will be scrounging for food in dumpsters 
with all the desperation of a feral cat.

Of course, that’s true.  But what they don’t tell you is what I’d 
replace Social Security with: an amazing new program I like to call 
PerryCare™.

Under PerryCare™, you’ll receive all the food, clothing and shelter you 
need, and it won’t cost a dime in taxes.  How if that possible?  Simple:
 you’ll be praying for all those things.

As a PerryCare™ recipient, each week you’ll receive in your email box a 
PerryCare™ PrayerMail™, giving you an easy-to-recite prayer for the 
bread, milk, cat food or whatever else you need to survive.  It’s like a
 Groupon from God.

PerryCare™ is more than a replacement for that infernal Ponzi scheme 
that has bamboozled Americans with regular monthly checks for 75 years. 
 It is part of my larger plan to return prayer to its rightful place in 
American life.  I get down on my knees every night and I promise you, if
 I am elected your President, I will bring this entire country to its 
knees.

I expect that some of my opponents will laugh at my plan, especially 
that lawn gnome Ron Paul and Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann.  Fine, let 
them laugh!  Laughter is the best medicine.  And if I am elected, there 
will be no other medicine.

That brings me to my PerryCare™ medical plan, which will replace Medicare once I consign that Ponzi scheme to the electric chair of history.  I don’t have enough 
time to go into the whole plan right now, but here it is in two words: 
single prayer.

Your next President,
Rick Perry

Gov. Rick Perry
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