[Vision2020] We Jus' Don't Know What Real Humidity Is

[Tom Hansen]

Courtesy of today's (August 20, 2011) Spokesman-Review.

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The Slice: Don’t sweat early onset dampness
Paul Turner
The Spokesman-Review



Th Slice recently asked what physical changes readers experience when visiting humid parts of the country.

I’ve posed that question several times over the years. And, as usual, responding readers told about noticing suddenly younger-looking skin and how formerly straight hair seemed to acquire a mind of its own.

But we really need to move this conversation forward. So today The Slice presents a helpful Humidity Guide for Spokane Residents.

If you are a Spokane native or have lived here more than 10 years, this will help you know what to expect on your travels to places with more moisture in the air.

Stage 1 Humidity: You’re visiting friends or family in the Midwest, and you keep wondering if you are having a heart attack. Always consult a doctor. But there is a chance it’s just the humidity.

Expect to have people regard you with puzzled expressions that seem to say “So?” when you stagger into a room and incredulously declare, “I just took a shower 10 minutes ago and now I am already covered in a sheen of sweat again.”

Stage 2 Humidity: You are in the Northeast or Southeast and can’t see a thing because rivulets of perspiration are streaming into your eyes.

“Why is the air so thick?” you wonder as you use a shirt sleeve to dab at your face. “Are we still on the humans’ homeworld?”

Stage 3 Humidity: You are in Houston, New Orleans, St. Louis or Memphis. “Is this what waterboarding is like?” you mumble between gasps for oxygen.

Anxiety mounts. You fidget and pant. You find yourself fighting to throw off the wet wool blanket wrapped snugly around you, even though no one else can see it.

“Are you all right?” your hosts ask.

But all you can say is “Can’t breathe … Open the pod bay doors, Hal!”

It’s time to come home.

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Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho
 
"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the Realist adjusts his sails."

- Unknown

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