[Vision2020] Then There Was . . .

[Tom Hansen]

Courtesy of ONN at:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_passionate_defender_of

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Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding
of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but
from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the
limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true
Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."

According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and
small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of
the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to
strip it of its religious foundation.

"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear:
'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a
line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any
reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that
right at the top."

"Men like Madison and Jefferson were moved by the ideals of Christianity,
and wanted the United States to reflect those values as a Christian
nation," continued Mortensen, referring to the "Father of the
Constitution," James Madison, considered by many historians to be an
atheist, and Thomas Jefferson, an Enlightenment-era thinker who rejected
the divinity of Christ and was in France at the time the document was
written. "The words on the page speak for themselves."

According to sources who have read the nation's charter, the U.S.
Constitution and its 27 amendments do not contain the word "God" or
"Christ."

Mortensen said his admiration for the loose assemblage of vague
half-notions he calls the Constitution has only grown over time. He
believes that each detail he has pulled from thin air—from prohibitions on
sodomy and flag-burning, to mandatory crackdowns on immigrants, to the
right of citizens not to have their hard-earned income confiscated in the
form of taxes—has contributed to making it the best framework for
governance "since the Ten Commandments."

"And let's not forget that when the Constitution was ratified it brought
freedom to every single American," Mortensen said.

Mortensen's passion for safeguarding the elaborate fantasy world in which
his conception of the Constitution resides is greatly respected by his
likeminded friends and relatives, many of whom have been known to repeat
his unfounded assertions verbatim when angered. Still, some friends and
family members remain critical.

"Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird
ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College
in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to
torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it
guarantees universal health care."

Mortensen told reporters that he'll fight until the bitter end for what he
roughly supposes the Constitution to be. He acknowledged, however, that it
might already be too late to win the battle.

"The freedoms our Founding Fathers spilled their blood for are vanishing
before our eyes," Mortensen said. "In under a year, a fascist, socialist
regime has turned a proud democracy into a totalitarian state that will
soon control every facet of American life."

"Don't just take my word for it," Mortensen added. "Try reading a
newspaper or watching the news sometime."

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Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change
and the Realist adjusts his sails."

- Unknown