[Vision2020] Horrible Chritmas Nightmare

[Gier, Nicholas]

Dear Wayne,

Your insult is a new low for long suffering accordionists (such as myself) all over the world. Not since Donald Rumsfeld charged that having French troops as allies was like bringing an accordion band on a hunting trip have we been so mistreated.  At that time I posted on the Vision a prediction that mellifluous accordion music would attract game rather than scare them away.  But wait, don't we want to scare terrorists away! Mr. Rumsfeld: I'm really confused!

I now pause for a moment of silence for my two accordion teachers. My first was Eve ("Mammy") Prentice, whose husband never said a word and quietly fixed all the broken instruments, which were many because Mammy insisted on double fortissimo for all songs. Freud had a name for Mammy Prentice, but I cannot print it here for innocent visionary ears. Some of you may be thinking this, but no, Mammy was not black.  She was Caucasian and indomitable.

All my life I've slowly recovered from the following psychological injury. When Mammy ordered uniforms for our accordion marching band, she chose girls' pants with a zipper on the side for everyone!  What a blow to tender young boy egos! (Freud's phrase occurs to me once again.)  Yes, we marched in every parade in Medford, Oregon, and my best memory is the annual Pear Blossom Parade, where the prettiest girl among us was excused from playing and became our festival princess on a float decorated with pear blossoms.  We marched two by two on each side of the float playing some spring-like tune, but no harmonies please, just the same notes at the loudest we could squeeze them.  

At least it was not as silly and awkward as Woody Allen playing his cello in the marching band in Take the Money and Run.  But with those heavy 120-bass instruments (mine weighs 37 pounds), many of us small folk would have enjoyed sitting down for a moment.

My second accordion teacher was Caesar Mussioli (I'm not making this up!), who came all the way out from Boston with his Cuban wife to take over the studio when Mammy retired at age at the ripe age of 90. Caesar was a great musician, and he could, unlike Mammy, actually play the accordion. Every Monday night we learned music theory from him and for the first time we played harmonies so beautiful that we could sooth a terrorist's heart. The Cuban wife, unused to our quaint ways, left him early on in Caesar's Southern Oregon career. Boy, did she have a temper!

Wayne, please retract your insult.  As you can see accordion players are very sensitive and have very tender egos.

Nick

P.S.  Hey Wayne, I have a huge file of offensive accordion jokes and cartoons.  Would you like to see them?


-----Original Message-----
From: vision2020-bounces at moscow.com on behalf of Art Deco
Sent: Fri 12/18/2009 9:50 AM
To: Vision 2020
Subject: [Vision2020] Horrible Chritmas Nightmare
 
The Korean Accordion Orchestra:







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