[Vision2020] the "Support the Palins Really Need"

Mon Sep 8 14:28:58 PDT 2008

Thanks Sue
I agree with your sentiments.I am thankful that I do not have these problems in my immediate family ( unless you want to count mild Narcolepsy), but I do have relatives and friends with these problems. I am amazed at how well they deal with it.
Roger
-----Original message-----
From: "Sue Hovey" suehovey at moscow.com
Date: Sat, 06 Sep 2008 18:08:11 -0700
To: "Bruce and Jean Livingston" jeanlivingston at turbonet.com, vision2020 at moscow.com
Subject: Re: [Vision2020] the "Support the Palins Really Need"

> This piece is so beautifully written and so very, very true.  I will say that one of the reasons we feel fortunate to live in Moscow with a disabled child (who is certainly no longer a child agewise) is because there are so many who treasure their relationship with her just as we do.  Bruce is right...those small gestures people make to her as a sign she is important to them, are big items to her.  
> 
> I will add something here, though, that might be considered from another perspective.  I do not believe that it is necessarily an act to be applauded when a couple chooses to have a disabled child, nor is it somehow less than good when they choose not to do so.  Those are personal decisions that are best made by the people involved in response to what they feel is right for them and their family situation. 
> 
> Sympathetic people with the best of intentions would tell me, "God must have loved you very much to have chosen you to have this child."  What an inane comment!  I would rather they had thought of it this way:  Rearing a disabled child is comparable to taking a  trip.  One might have originally bought a ticket to London and ended up in Paris.  The journey is different, but the destination is not necessarily worse.   
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the posting, Bruce.
> 
> Sue H. 
> 
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- 
>   From: Bruce and Jean Livingston 
>   To: vision2020 at moscow.com 
>   Sent: Friday, September 05, 2008 11:27 AM
>   Subject: [Vision2020] the "Support the Palins Really Need"
> 
> 
>   From the opinon pages of the Washington Post, today, an interesting column is reprinted below.  I post it not to foster a political discussion, but to remind us all of our common humanity.   Caring and consideration for other people, especially those less fortunate than ourselves, is a noble aspiration for us all, one that can make the world in which we live a kinder, warmer place.  Some forms of caring and consideration are hard and time consuming, but others are not.  Little gestures, easily done, such as a kind smile and nod of the head to acknowledge an oncoming pedestrian in our small town, can make a difference.  
> 
>   Rare is the person who is intentionally hurtful or cruel; most of us are simply unaware.
> 
>   Bruce Livingston
> 
>   P.S.  I suppose I cannot post this article without someone pointing out that "common humanity" and "those less fortunate than ourselves" are notions that apply to an eight celled embryo -- if you believe that embryo is a human being.  Like Jeff Harkins, who suggested we have a discussion of political issues on which there might be less entrenched and polarized views than abortion, I am not posting this piece to argue over abortion and the definition of "humans" or "when life begins."  I am posting it in the hope of having people think about the humans in our community with disabilities of some kind, and the effort that can make all of our community's lives happier and fuller.   I do salute the Palins personal decision to carry their child, Trig, to term, but I post this article because it made me think of ways in which I might make the lives around me fuller, happier and more complete.
> 
>   The Support the Palins Really Need
> 
>   By Ellen Crosby
>   Friday, September 5, 2008; A21
> 
> 
> 
>   Ever since John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his running mate, many have lavished praise on her decision not to have an abortion after she and her husband learned that their youngest child, Trig, would be born with Down syndrome. Do those telling Palin "attagirl" and "way to go" have any idea what challenges and struggles Trig's parents -- and all of us who care for children with special needs -- live with every day? Though everyone cheered the Palin family in Minnesota this week, will those people be there for that little boy and his family when their support is really needed?
> 
>   How much better it would be if we could see past the hyper-toxic subject of abortion in this election and let Sarah and Todd Palin's decision spotlight a topic far from our national consciousness: the needs of Americans with disabilities. They are our country's most underserved, neglected and marginalized minority.
> 
>   The parents of every special-needs child know that the Palins have a hard road ahead of them. The heartbreak of watching the isolation and loneliness Trig will face because he wants to be like other kids but isn't. The first time they find out he sits alone in the cafeteria and on the school bus. The realization that Trig understands why he doesn't get asked to the movies or birthday parties like other kids but doesn't know what he did wrong.
> 
>   The toughest challenges that Sarah Palin will face as the Republicans' vice presidential nominee will probably look like a walk in the park when, as a mother, she sees how invisible her son is to people who look away or through him at the grocery store or the mall. She will be frustrated by doctors who dismiss her concerns as overreacting or have no answers for her questions. She will grow weary of the mountain of legal documents she and her husband must sign and the annual negotiations and pleas they must endure with a phalanx of teachers, therapists and administrators about what Trig's curriculum will be at school.
> 
>   The Palins will come to understand with acute clarity that while the sky is the limit for their other children, for Trig the world will gradually become a smaller place. And it will be their life's work to make sure that world is safe and nurturing and fulfilling -- a place where strangers don't take advantage of him or abuse him when they can't be there to prevent it. They will be tested and angered and have their hearts broken. But the most challenging journey will be Trig's, as he struggles with the basic tasks most of us take for granted.
> 
>   Still, there will be joy. The Palins will discover that this child will change their lives in ways they could never have imagined, and they will be richer for it. They will make friends and meet teachers, therapists and volunteers at Special Olympics and Best Buddies who will open their hearts and love Trig, treating him with a dignity he too rarely receives. Those good, compassionate people and the other special families who become part of their world will get them through tough times.
> 
>   It is said that God chooses the families to whom he sends His special children. The Palins are indeed right that Trig is a blessing and a gift. But how much better would it be if, instead of praising Sarah Palin for not choosing abortion, we could focus instead on what this child, and all disabled Americans, need from us? If we could be there for the Palins on the journey they face as a family? Doing so would surely add to the diversity of an election year that has already shattered barriers of race and gender.
> 
>   Ellen Crosby is a novelist who lives in Northern Virginia. She and her husband have an autistic son.
> 
> 
> 
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