[Vision2020] "Don't Tread On Me": Americas Rise Up Against AlienInvaders
g. crabtree
jampot at roadrunner.com
Tue Mar 4 06:33:59 PST 2008
Is raising loose and, for the most part, faulty parallels between Iraq and
the US considered satire in this day and age? When I was in school a
critical component of satire was wit, something sorely lacking in this
presentation.
Might I suggest that you run out and rent yourself a copy of the 1984 John
Milius classic "Red Dawn" to see pretty much the same (admittedly dated)
scenario you put forward with a few more yuks.
GO WOLVERINES!
g
----- Original Message -----
From: <nickgier at adelphia.net>
To: <vision2020 at moscow.com>
Sent: Monday, March 03, 2008 1:51 PM
Subject: [Vision2020] "Don't Tread On Me": Americas Rise Up Against
AlienInvaders
> Greetings:
>
> I'm still gathering material for a column on the 5th Anniversary of the
> Iraq War, but I thought I would finally write out what has been rattling
> around in my head for months. Writing satire is always a tricky business,
> so I wouldn't mind some suggestions before I record this and send this
> longer version out to my two newspapers.
>
> Nick Gier
>
> "DON'T TREAD ON ME":
> AMERICANS RISE UP AGAINST ALIEN INVADERS
>
> It is early December, 2008, and the Democrats have just won the presidency
> and huge majorities in Congress. The economy is in a deep recession, and
> Bush's approval ratings are in the middle teens.
>
> On December 7, an alien expeditionary force, knowing full well the
> significance of the date, invades the U.S. and, with a shock and awe
> campaign, quickly overwhelms American defenses, substantially weakened
> because of the Iraq war. Alien troops occupy Washington, D.C. and dozens
> of other major cities.
>
> The aliens come from a warrior culture that prizes male dominance and the
> subordination of women and effeminate males. The aliens offer government
> posts to those who agree with them, but they imprison those who protest.
> Torture is used to get them to change their minds and to flush out other
> dissidents. Mass executions occur daily.
>
> The aliens are not particularly religious, but they admire the tough,
> macho talk of leading evangelical preachers. Pat Robertson offers his
> services, and the aliens agree to his conditions that evangelical
> Christianity become the state religion, that abortion be outlawed, and
> that the president of Venezuela be assassinated.
>
> Vice-President Cheney is also cooperative and he is made Secretary of
> State. The aliens find George Bush amusing, but quickly tire of his bad
> jokes and the nicknames that he has unctuously given alien leaders. Bush
> is forced to retire to his ranch, Laura divorces him, and he starts
> drinking again.
>
> The aliens miscalculate the number of forces needed to pacify 300 million
> people. Even though they outlaw the possession of weapons, the aliens
> could not prevent the forming of heavily armed militias in every state.
>
> The aliens totally overlooked the Mountain States, assuming that the
> occupation of Denver would take care of that part of the country.
> Especially effective were the Mormon militias, who not only had sufficient
> arms but also tons of provisions for the long haul. Using all sorts of
> deceptive strategies, American patriots attack alien patrols and bases
> with incredible courage and ferocity.
>
> For the first time since the early years of the American Republic,
> religious tensions between Protestants and Catholics rise to unprecedented
> levels. Both Catholics and Mormons bristle at the new policy, promulgated
> by Secretary of Religious Affairs Robertson, that they are not Christians.
>
> Members of Opus Dei manage to raise millions of dollars from concerned
> citizens in Quebec, Ireland, Latin America, and other Catholic countries.
> The money is funneled to Catholic militias who are especially effective in
> the big cities.
>
> Radical evangelicals organize, easily financing arms purchases by
> voluntary contributions, and they engage the Catholics forces in bloody
> battles. Moderate Catholics and Protestants are horrified by their
> co-religionists' actions and they cower in their homes. Repeated attempts
> by their leaders to stop the sectarian violence fail.
>
> Recalling the sacrifices of their early martyrs, Christian extremists on
> both sides resort to suicide bombing, which causes great consternation in
> the alien ranks. The bombers are hailed by some as great American
> martyrs.
>
> Pat Robertson's advisers, chiefly the Rev. John Hagee (John McCain was
> "honored" by his support in the presidential campaign), remind Robertson
> that biblical prophecy requires that all Jews return to their homeland for
> Armageddon. American Jews are obviously not obeying the Word of God, so
> Robertson orders that all of them be deported to Israel. America's Jews
> of course refuse this outrageous order, and many of them also form
> militias, which were openly financed by Israel and Jews around the world.
>
> Alien leaders object to the interference of other nations, claiming that
> they alone have the right to intervene in American affairs. Supporters of
> the American rebels' right to self-determination declare that this
> incredible claim is the height of hubris.
>
> The United Nations has been forced to move its headquarters to Geneva, but
> the UN delegates respond to this crisis with unusual cooperation and unity
> of purpose. It takes months of preparation, but a multinational force,
> with a core of NATO troops led by a French general, land troops on the
> East Coast. Chinese, Indian, and Japanese forces quickly establish
> beachheads on the West Coast.
>
> The aliens, who once considered themselves invincible, find themselves
> caught between the insurgents and the UN troops, and after a short time
> they sue for peace. The French general wanted to fly American troops home
> from Iraq, but they were under furious attack by a united Shiite
> insurgency. Unfortunately, Secretary Cheney got his way and convinced the
> aliens to invade Iran.
>
> The duly elected Congress is restored to power and the first act of
> Secretary of State Bill Clinton is to send the French President an apology
> for some American insinuations that the French could not fight and an
> apology for the momentary lapse about renaming French Fries. The French
> are thanked once again for saving the U.S., first in its infancy and now
> 233 years later.
>
>
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