[Vision2020] "Don't Tread On Me": Americas Rise Up Against AlienInvaders

[g. crabtree]

Is raising loose and, for the most part, faulty parallels between Iraq and 
the US considered satire in this day and age? When I was in school a 
critical component of satire was wit, something sorely lacking in this 
presentation.

Might I suggest that you run out and rent yourself a copy of the 1984 John 
Milius classic "Red Dawn" to see pretty much the same (admittedly dated) 
scenario you put forward with a few more yuks.

GO WOLVERINES!

g
----- Original Message ----- 
From: <nickgier at adelphia.net>
To: <vision2020 at moscow.com>
Sent: Monday, March 03, 2008 1:51 PM
Subject: [Vision2020] "Don't Tread On Me": Americas Rise Up Against 
AlienInvaders


> Greetings:
>
> I'm still gathering material for a column on the 5th Anniversary of the 
> Iraq War, but I thought I would finally write out what has been rattling 
> around in my head for months.  Writing satire is always a tricky business, 
> so I wouldn't mind some suggestions before I record this and send this 
> longer version out to my two newspapers.
>
> Nick Gier
>
> "DON'T TREAD ON ME":
> AMERICANS RISE UP AGAINST ALIEN INVADERS
>
> It is early December, 2008, and the Democrats have just won the presidency 
> and huge majorities in Congress.  The economy is in a deep recession, and 
> Bush's approval ratings are in the middle teens.
>
> On December 7, an alien expeditionary force, knowing full well the 
> significance of the date, invades the U.S. and, with a shock and awe 
> campaign, quickly overwhelms American defenses, substantially weakened 
> because of the Iraq war. Alien troops occupy Washington, D.C. and dozens 
> of other major cities.
>
> The aliens come from a warrior culture that prizes male dominance and the 
> subordination of women and effeminate males.  The aliens offer government 
> posts to those who agree with them, but they imprison those who protest. 
> Torture is used to get them to change their minds and to flush out other 
> dissidents.  Mass executions occur daily.
>
> The aliens are not particularly religious, but they admire the tough, 
> macho talk of leading evangelical preachers. Pat Robertson offers his 
> services, and the aliens agree to his conditions that evangelical 
> Christianity become the state religion, that abortion be outlawed, and 
> that the president of Venezuela be assassinated.
>
> Vice-President Cheney is also cooperative and he is made Secretary of 
> State.  The aliens find George Bush amusing, but quickly tire of his bad 
> jokes and the nicknames that he has unctuously given alien leaders.  Bush 
> is forced to retire to his ranch, Laura divorces him, and he starts 
> drinking again.
>
> The aliens miscalculate the number of forces needed to pacify 300 million 
> people.  Even though they outlaw the possession of weapons, the aliens 
> could not prevent the forming of heavily armed militias in every state.
>
> The aliens totally overlooked the Mountain States, assuming that the 
> occupation of Denver would take care of that part of the country. 
> Especially effective were the Mormon militias, who not only had sufficient 
> arms but also tons of provisions for the long haul. Using all sorts of 
> deceptive strategies, American patriots attack alien patrols and bases 
> with incredible courage and ferocity.
>
> For the first time since the early years of the American Republic, 
> religious tensions between Protestants and Catholics rise to unprecedented 
> levels.  Both Catholics and Mormons bristle at the new policy, promulgated 
> by Secretary of Religious Affairs Robertson, that they are not Christians.
>
> Members of Opus Dei manage to raise millions of dollars from concerned 
> citizens in Quebec, Ireland, Latin America, and other Catholic countries. 
> The money is funneled to Catholic militias who are especially effective in 
> the big cities.
>
> Radical evangelicals organize, easily financing arms purchases by 
> voluntary contributions, and they engage the Catholics forces in bloody 
> battles.  Moderate Catholics and Protestants are horrified by their 
> co-religionists' actions and they cower in their homes. Repeated attempts 
> by their leaders to stop the sectarian violence fail.
>
> Recalling the sacrifices of their early martyrs, Christian extremists on 
> both sides resort to suicide bombing, which causes great consternation in 
> the alien ranks.  The bombers are hailed by some as great American 
> martyrs.
>
> Pat Robertson's advisers, chiefly the Rev. John Hagee (John McCain was 
> "honored" by his support in the presidential campaign), remind Robertson 
> that biblical prophecy requires that all Jews return to their homeland for 
> Armageddon.  American Jews are obviously not obeying the Word of God, so 
> Robertson orders that all of them be deported to Israel.  America's Jews 
> of course refuse this outrageous order, and many of them also form 
> militias, which were openly financed by Israel and Jews around the world.
>
> Alien leaders object to the interference of other nations, claiming that 
> they alone have the right to intervene in American affairs.  Supporters of 
> the American rebels' right to self-determination declare that this 
> incredible claim is the height of hubris.
>
> The United Nations has been forced to move its headquarters to Geneva, but 
> the UN delegates respond to this crisis with unusual cooperation and unity 
> of purpose.  It takes months of preparation, but a multinational force, 
> with a core of NATO troops led by a French general, land troops on the 
> East Coast.  Chinese, Indian, and Japanese forces quickly establish 
> beachheads on the West Coast.
>
> The aliens, who once considered themselves invincible, find themselves 
> caught between the insurgents and the UN troops, and after a short time 
> they sue for peace. The French general wanted to fly American troops home 
> from Iraq, but they were under furious attack by a united Shiite 
> insurgency. Unfortunately, Secretary Cheney got his way and convinced the 
> aliens to invade Iran.
>
> The duly elected Congress is restored to power and the first act of 
> Secretary of State Bill Clinton is to send the French President an apology 
> for some American insinuations that the French could not fight and an 
> apology for the momentary lapse about renaming French Fries.  The French 
> are thanked once again for saving the U.S., first in its infancy and now 
> 233 years later.
>
>
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