[Vision2020] The Meterley Report: Always Giving 3.37 Inches Morethan Yardley

[Kai Eiselein, editor]

For once I find myself agreeing with Nick, well, except for the UI sunburst 
thing......that should have been tossed years ago. That logo is from the era 
of shag carpeted vans, avocado colored appliances and polyester leisure 
suits...good riddance, I say.
(If anybody REALLY misses those days, you can always watch "That 70's Show")
----- Original Message ----- 
From: <nickgier at adelphia.net>
To: <vision2020 at moscow.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 26, 2008 9:21 PM
Subject: [Vision2020] The Meterley Report: Always Giving 3.37 Inches 
Morethan Yardley


> Greetings:
>
> I did a serious response to the Yardley Report and here is something a 
> little lighter. This is my radio commentary for KRFP 92.5 FM at 8:05 AM 
> (repeated at 9:35AM).
>
> THE METERLEY REPORT:
> ALWAYS GIVING 3.37 INCHES MORE THAN YARDLEY
>
> By Felix Iusemetriks
>
> I believe the UI has been poorly served by highly paid consultants, 
> especially the Yardley Research Group, who just submitted a bill for 
> $130,383 for a report insulting to the faculty and dismissive of 
> undergraduate education at the Moscow campus.
>
> I have therefore hired Meterley Associates in Sophia, Bulgaria, who always 
> promise at least 3.37 inches more than Yardley.  Even though they demand 
> payment in Euros, their charges are always one tenth those of Yardley.
>
> The UI has also been ill advised by other consultants.  Consider the PR 
> firm that gave us the infamous motto “No Fences.”  This is a poor message 
> to Idahoans who, for generations, have fenced their land, and certainly 
> don’t want their children to attend a college that apparently places no 
> limits on their behavior.
>
> That motto has now been withdrawn, and instead of getting our money back, 
> the UI is now paying the same firm $900,000 a year for an equally bad 
> phrase “A Legacy of Leadership.”
>
> This consulting firm has also convinced the UI to give up the beautiful 
> sunburst logo and instead we now have a simple University of Idaho, where 
> the slanting of gives the impression that we are bending into a very stiff 
> head wind.  We certainly don't want a Legacy of Leaning Over.
>
> The Meterley team has one specific recommendation: please repaint the 
> water tower on the golf course to its original color and please return the 
> sunburst logo with its clever “Uis” on the tower.  The new color is 
> horrid.
>
> The Meterley Report recommends that the new UI motto be “A legacy of 
> excellence in letters, arts, and science, rather than losing on field and 
> court.”
>
> Yardley rightly pointed out the national reputation of our theater 
> department and the UI Jazz Festival, which just won a National Medal for 
> the Arts. Recently it was announced that nearly every faculty member in 
> the UI creative writing program had won an award for their work and/or 
> published a book.
>
> Three million dollars a year in appropriated funds, monies that should go 
> to academic programs, have been poured into athletics.  Meterley's 
> researchers propose that that this appropriation be given instead to the 
> letters, arts, and sciences for increased salaries and scholarships.  The 
> $900,000 a year wasted on logos, mottos, and poor PR could be better used 
> as a scholarship fund for all UI students.
>
> The Meterley team also recommends that the UI Press, one of whose titles 
> garnered national attention, be brought back.  During the financial crisis 
> after 9/11, the UI Faculty Council voted to eliminate the press because it 
> required a $300,000 subsidy.  Later Faculty Council refused to phase out 
> the huge subsidy for athletics, even though it served, unlike the press, 
> no direct academic purpose.
>
> In the 1980s the athletic programs had no state subsidy and yet the teams 
> won Big Sky championships year after year.  I loved attending those games.
>
> If the athletic department is adamant about remaining in the big leagues, 
> the Meterley team has a modest proposal for winning on the field and 
> court.
>
> Meterley recommends that one half of the Kibbie Dome football field be 
> re-stripped in meters.  Vandal captains would always choose to defend the 
> metered goal, if they won the opening toss. At least for one half of the 
> game, the opposing team would have to gain 5 more yards for a touchdown 
> and never know that they were at a disadvantage.
>
> To improve our miserable win/loss record in basketball, the Meterley team 
> proposes that both the Kibbie Dome and practice courts be secretly changed 
> to meters.  Practicing every day on the meter courts, the Vandals would 
> have a distinct advantage over opposing teams, whose shots, especially 
> from behind the 3-point circle, would always be short of the basket.
>
> Some Vandal fans may be offended by these proposals, but it is too bad 
> that they can't take a joke. Others might say this is cheating, and they 
> of course would be right.
>
> The only solution, says Meterley, is to return to the Big Sky Conference 
> so that the Vandals can start winning on the field, as they have always 
> done so in letters, arts, and sciences.
>
> Felix Iusemetriks is a very distant relative of Nick Gier, President, 
> Higher Education Council, University of Idaho, and Professor Emeritus at 
> the University of Idaho.
>
>
> =======================================================
> List services made available by First Step Internet,
> serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.
>               http://www.fsr.net
>          mailto:Vision2020 at moscow.com
> =======================================================
>
Kai Eiselein
Editor, Latah Eagle