[Vision2020] New Rules from "Real Time With Bill Maher" (March 2, 2007)

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Tue Mar 6 11:39:32 PST 2007


New Rules from the March 2, 2007 episode of "Real Time With Bill Maher" -

---------------------------------------------------------------

Now that a new study has confirmed that this younger generation has way too
much self-esteem, parents must start telling their kids every day that
they're stupid and lazy. And I'd like to add that you're also uninformed,
obsessed with your looks, lack moral standards, and dress like a whore. And
what are you doing Saturday? 

New Rule: The Chinese community must explain why Chinese restaurants are
never open for breakfast. There's a billion of you. You can't all be
sleeping in. I'll make you a deal. You tell me why you're not open for
breakfast, and I'll tell you how to get back on the freeway. I kid the
Asians. I got mad love for the Asians. Don't write me. 

New Rule: Dick Cheney must be shown this picture to see if it elicits any
sort of human response whatsoever. Look, Dick, it's a kitten playing with a
bird. Isn't it cute? "Aw, no, Wolf, I see a fitter cat excited sighted for
the kill." "Ripping off the head of a clearly weaker species, orgasmic in
its desire to consume and savor the taste of blood." Okay, just checking. 

And finally, New Rule: If you don't think your daughter getting cancer is
worse than your daughter having sex, you're doing it wrong. Last year,
modern medicine came up with a way to greatly reduce cervical cancer in
young women. It's a vaccine that can virtually wipe out the
sexually-transmitted disease called HPV, which leads to the cancer.

But not everyone is pleased with this vaccine. There are Christian values
groups and churches nationwide who are fighting it. Briget Maher - no
relation-and none planned - formerly of the Family Research Council- says
giving girls the vaccine is bad because- quote - "the girls may see it as a
license to engage in pre-marital sex."

Hey, Mrs. Maher, let me tell you something. Your daughter is already on the
Internet exchanging bondage fantasies with a German boy she met on MySpace.
Forget HPV. She's on to S&M. And Mrs. Maher, I'm sure I don't have to tell
you there's only one foolproof method to make a woman abstinent: marry her. 

So, let's review here. HPV is a new STD that the CDC wants teens vaccinated
for PDQ. And that's not sitting well with the Harper Valley PTA. They think
if a teenage girl feels a little prick, she's going to want to feel a whole
lot more. 

But, HPV shots don't cause promiscuity. Tequila shots do. And MTV. And
having moron parents you want to escape from. Hey, when you're 15 years old,
breathing encourages sexual activity. 

But, let's be frank. These values groups aren't just against the HPV shot.
They're against family planning and condoms and morning-after pills. They
want to make sure sex is as dangerous as possible, so that kids know if they
sleep around and get an STD, that's God teaching them a lesson. And that
lesson is: "You should never have tried out for 'American Idol' in the first
place!" 

Now, I know our kids are dumb. I just read it in a New Rule. But, will they
really have sex with anything that moves just because they know there's a
vaccine? People don't get the vaccine for typhoid and say, "Great, now I can
drink the sewer water in Bombay!" It's like being against a cure for
blindness because it'll encourage masturbation! 

It's like being for the salmonella poisoning in peanut butter because it
will discourage weirdos from spreading it on their butt and calling the dog!


If this is the nonsense you're teaching your kids, they're already screwed. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

***********************************
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.

- Author Unknown
***********************************






More information about the Vision2020 mailing list