[Vision2020] Iranian Science Teachers May Be Enriching Students

[Tom Hansen]

>From CNN at http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/27/onion.iran/index.html -

------------------------------------------------------

Iranian science teachers may be enriching students

Editor's note: Are we kidding? Yes. This is NOT a real news story; it's
satire from The Onion, a humor publication. We hope you will enjoy a weekly
selection from The Onion posted to CNN.com.

WASHINGTON (The Onion) -- A recently released Pentagon report is raising new
worries that Iran has been operating several large facilities designed
solely for the purpose of enriching mass quantities of high-grade students.

"We have reason to believe that specially trained Iranian science teachers
are taking raw, unrefined brain power and bombarding it with knowledge at
accelerated levels," said U.S. Undersecretary Of Defense For Intelligence
Stephen Cambone at a Tuesday press conference. "If current levels of student
concentration remain this high, Iran could be a mere five to eight years
away from developing an atomic scientist."

Leading analysts believe that the teachers are using a widely applied
enrichment process in which students are isolated from such elements as
family, play, and cartoons, and are rotated through seven separative work
units over the course of each day. This cycle is repeated for months, until
the students are made highly reactive to reading matter, which enables them
to absorb large amounts of information in short periods of time.

The students are then continually exposed to heavy material, taught to
achieve critical thought, and finally graduate to a state of explosive
productivity.

Hard evidence that would support the Pentagon's findings includes a
top-secret syllabus, acquired by the CIA, which indicates that Iran may
begin testing their students, possibly without warning, as early as next
Friday. Reconnaissance-satellite images also reveal the presence of two
Tehran--area facilities identified by intelligence sources only as "P.S.
235" and "H.S. 238."

Despite the Pentagon's announcement in mid-June that Iran had halted its
nuclear-science program, additional satellite photos taken in early
September clearly show 40-foot-long buses transporting multiple loads of
students to these facilities in the morning hours between 7 and 8 a.m. Some
images also reveal a short, 20-foot-long bus thought to contain a smaller
number of highly volatile, non-reactive, and extremely dense students.

"While we believe that a majority of these students were developed within
Iran's borders anywhere from 13 to 17 years ago, there is also evidence that
they are importing older students from former Soviet republics and Pakistan
in what officials have dubbed an 'exchange program,'" CIA Director Michael
Hayden said.

Although no one is sure exactly what is being conducted inside the
accelerated core curriculum, a team of UNESCO inspectors who visited
suspected Iranian enrichment facilities in 2004 found a number of
microscopes, Bunsen burners, centrifuges, and reference materials, including
a stockpile of instructional materials and textbooks covered in brown paper
wrapping intended to obscure the material's subject matter.

In a nationally televised Oval Office address Tuesday, President Bush
expressed the concern that if Iran is allowed to enrich its students
unchecked, many of them could end up anywhere, with some potentially landing
in major university centers in New York and Los Angeles.

"The U.S. stopped enriching its students decades ago, and we call upon Iran
to do the same," Bush said. "If the Iranians do not put an end to this
program by the middle of December, and impose final examinations, they could
face further isolation from the international community."

As the U.S. awaits a response to the ultimatum, American intelligence
continues to monitor a rumored late-afternoon summit, consisting of a series
of secretive bilateral meetings between parents and a female science expert
known as Mrs. Bakhtiari.

------------------------------------------------------

Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Vandalville, Idaho

"Madness does not always howl.  Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end
of the day saying, 'Hey, is there room in your head for one more?'"

- Author Unknown