[Vision2020] Gay Marriage Good for Children

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (November 3, 2006) Spokesman Review -

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Gay marriage good for children
Kathleen O'Brien
Star Ledger of Newark, N.J.

November 3, 2006

Not all children are created equal. That is the lesson of the recent ruling
on gay marriage in which the New Jersey Supreme Court followed the bumper
sticker motto of "Lead, follow, or get out of the way." It got out of the
way - but not before it pointed the general direction the state Legislature
must take. Marriage has always been far more about children than about
romance. It establishes legal paternity. It confers legitimacy. It legally
binds the father to support his offspring. More broadly, it makes it harder
for parents to hit the highway when the going gets tough. It's cumbersome to
get unmarried if you have children, as it should be. It doesn't guarantee
stability - people are people, after all - but it can be an essential
buttress during difficult times. For all these reasons and more, children
thrive best in married households. So why aren't the children of gay parents
entitled to this? Go ahead, say it: What kids? How can they have kids?
They're gay! Consider: New Jersey has 16,000 same-sex households, according
to the U.S. Census Bureau. They are evenly split between men and women. Of
the male-partner households, 25 percent have children. The number is even
higher for female-partner households: 34 percent. Nationwide, 415,970
children live in households headed by same-sex couples. What about them? We
grant the good intentions of people who oppose gay marriage "for the sake of
the children." They strive for a goal of having every child raised by a
biological mother and father who are married. If that's what they wanted,
however, they should have drawn a line in the sand years ago. If they truly
believed it, they should've fought any arrangement that allowed children to
be raised by gay people. They didn't, of course. Perhaps even they grasped
how unjust and mean-spirited that would be. Since then, the horse has left
the barn: Gay couples can and do reproduce - with the help of science and a
willing contributor, of course. Gay people can and do reproduce the regular
way, too. Plenty of folks have come to terms with their sexual orientation
only after becoming a parent. Under the law, they get to stay parents. Gay
people can and do adopt - their partner's children or a stranger's. I'm
remembering a friend who, with his partner, sought to adopt an abandoned
AIDS baby back in the '80s. The two men, who had their hearts set on a baby
marooned in a hospital nursery, were terrified their application would be
denied because of their homosexuality. Instead, they received this
unexpected answer: "Can you take two?" 

Many of the children in gay households have already experienced some
disruption in their lives. If mom or dad came out after they were born,
they've seen their parents divorce and they've probably had to move. They
especially could benefit from the stability marriage confers. Yet now that
we have all these children being raised in gay households, people want to
slam the door on gay marriage? But . we thought marriage was good for
children. The court recognized this, noting such children "are disadvantaged
in a way that children in married households aren't." Its solution is some
new institution that completely mirrors marriage yet isn't marriage. Good
luck explaining that to the kiddies, who will quickly see through the legal
tap-dancing to sense they are not quite good enough to be allowed in the
club. Kathleen O'Brien is a staff writer for the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J.

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Seeya at the polls, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"Politicians are like diapers.  They should be changed frequently and for
the same reason."

- Robin Williams