[Vision2020] Real family values

[Ralph Nielsen]

http://www.idahostatesman.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060513/ 
NEWS0503/605130321/1055


Article published May 13, 2006
Elizabeth Wakeman: I don't favor my straight children — and neither  
should Idaho

I am the mother of four sons. I love them equally, but they are  
different in so many ways. Like most brothers, they do not always get  
along, but they love each other very much. We are a family.

I have similar hopes and dreams for all of my sons, despite their  
differences. I want them to grow up to be strong. I want them to  
stand up for what they believe is right. I want them to be kind and  
sympathetic to their fellow citizens. I want them to be happy. I hope  
they fall in love, that they find someone with whom they can share  
their lives, because sharing my life with another person has enriched  
me in so many ways. My husband pushes me to be my best self and  
accepts me when I am my worst self. I want them to have that: someone  
to care for, and someone to care for them. I want to dance at their  
weddings. I want them to bring me grandchildren.
Of course, I don't always get what I want. I accept that my sons,  
each of them being so different, may travel different paths in their  
lives. They may never fall in love. Even if they do, they may choose  
not to marry, or decide not to parent. They may live lives quite  
different from my own, and from what I want for them. That is their  
right, and I accept it.

I cannot, however, accept that my fellow citizens may vote to  
enshrine in our state constitution an amendment saying that two of my  
sons may never have what their brothers may have. Two of my sons are  
heterosexual. They can marry in the state of Idaho. If their spouse  
falls ill, they are guaranteed the right to visit her in the  
hospital, participate in conversations with doctors about her care,  
and can take time off from work to see her well. And they know their  
spouse will have the protections necessary to care for them in the  
same situation. They can raise their children as equal partners,  
sharing in all of the protections (insurance, leave, inheritance) of  
a married family.

Their brothers, though equal in my love, are not equal in the law.  
Two of my sons are gay, and many of the protections my heterosexual  
sons will have when married are denied to them. They can be kicked  
out of a hospital room, even denied the right to make medical  
decisions on behalf of their partner, because they aren't "family."
They can lose their property, even their livelihoods, at the sudden  
death of their partner, because Idaho inheritance laws do not protect  
unmarried relationships. No matter how many years they might be in a  
committed relationship, they are, in the eyes of the state, nothing  
more than strangers to their partners.

I am told this amendment is necessary to protect families. I look at  
my boys and I just don't understand. How can the protection of one  
hurt the other? How can denying the rights of two of my sons make the  
other two safer? When you go to vote this November, remember my sons.  
Remember that the people whose lives you will affect have mothers.  
Mothers who are proud of their children, gay or straight, and feel  
they all have the right to share their lives with someone they love.  
Mothers who want to dance at all their children's weddings.

Elizabeth Wakeman is president of Parents, Family and Friends of  
Lesbians and Gays, Treasure Valley Chapter.