[Vision2020] Those durn liberals anyway!

[Saundra Lund]

	A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN 
	
Joe gets up at 6 AM and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee.  The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. 
	
With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication.  His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to
insure their safety and that they work as advertised. 
	
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan
because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical
insurance -- now Joe gets it too. 
	
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs.  Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat
packing industry.  In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.  His
bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he
was putting on his body and how much it contained. 
	
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath.  The air he breathes is
clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop
industries from polluting our air.  He walks to the subway station for his
government-subsidized ride to work. 
	
It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because
some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which
gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor. 
	
Joe begins his work day.  He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal
union members fought and died for these working standards.  Joe's employer
pays the same standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to
call the union.  If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes 
unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because
some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his
temporary misfortune. 
	
It's noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills.
Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal
wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous conservative bankers who
ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. 
	
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market
federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the
government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over
his lifetime. 
	
Joe is home from work.  He plans to visit his father this evening at his
farm home in the country.  He gets in his car for the drive.  His car is
among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for
car safety standards.  He arrives at his boyhood home.  His was the third
generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home  Administration
because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.  The house didn't have
electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't
belong and demanded rural electrification.  He is happy to see his father,
who is now retired. 
	
His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some
wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of
himself so Joe wouldn't have to. 
	
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.
The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are
good.  He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against
every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.  Joe agrees: "We
don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives!  After all, I'm
a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of himself, just like
I have."