[Vision2020] The Sweet Songs of Soccer

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (June 16, 2006) "Life of Reilly" column by Rick Reilly of
Sports Illustrated.

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The Sweet Songs of Soccer
By Rick Reilly

To say soccer fans cheer is like saying moles dig or Kennedys drink. They
cheer. They chant. They sing. First at the games. Then in the pubs. Then in
the jails. 

Once, at the Barcelona Olympics in 1992, I was amazed at the way thousands
of Swedish fans roared one chant again and again in perfect unison. I went
up to a Swede and asked, "What is it you're yelling? Is it something like
'Attack the goal!' or 'Play hard defense!' Or what?" 

And this young, blond guy goes, "No, this cheer says, 'We are from Sweden,
we have traveled very far, and we are drunk!'" 

Since then, I've always gotten the translation. At another international
event, upon seeing Slovakian fans jumping up and down and ringing bells, I
asked one of them what their cheer meant. And she said, "This is to say, 'He
who is not jumping is not Slovak!'" 

If you're lucky enough to attend the most watched event in the universe --
the World Cup -- you've got to go to one of England's games. The French make
the best wine. The Swiss build the best watches. But the English make up the
best chants. In English football, for instance, Blackburn hates Burnley the
way tornadoes hate trailers, so the Blackburn fans, 31,000 strong, holler: 

   Yer mum's yer dad!
   Yer dad's yer mum!
   Yer inbred, ya Burnley scum! 

Which is good, but not as good as this ... 

   Away in a manger
   No crib for a bed,
   The little Lord Jesus,
   Looked up and he said,
   We HATE Burnley! 

How much better is that than "Dal-las sucks!" 

English star Michael Owen is often serenaded by this chant, sung to
Guantanamera: 

   One Michael Owen!
   There's only one Michael Owen! 

Of course, when fellow Brit Andy Goram was rumored to be schizophrenic, fans
of opposing teams in the Scottish Premier League chanted: 

   Two Andy Gorams!
   There's only two Andy Gorams! 

Behavior at matches can get much, much worse than that, though. Some chants
can be racist, others politically charged. Germany has taken pains to remind
World Cup fans that any Nazi salutes or references are against the law, and
the English government asked its fans not to make any cracks about World War
II. 

Not that it helped. Sopped Brits all over Germany have been raucously
singing their ditty about the RAF shooting down 10 German bombers, then
nine, then eight and so on. And they will roar, "Two World Wars and one
World Cup!" referring to their victory over Germany in the 1966 championship
game. And, of course ... 

   I'm English 'til I die
   I'm English 'til I die
   We will win the World Cup
   And the Germans will cry! 

I wish America had a decent chant. Ours is lamer than Members Only jackets.
All we have is that crappy old U-S-A! U-S-A! cheer. A stoned ferret could've
thought of that one. It's so bad that for the last World Cup, U.S. Soccer
held a contest to pick a new official U.S. stadium chant. Out of 1,000
entries, this was the winner: 

   Our legs shall never tire!
   Our hearts will see us through!
   Goals! Goals! Goals!
   For the red, white and blue! 

Ugh. Why beat around the bush? Here's my entry: 

   We are the Yankees!
   We are not afraid!
   You beat us tonight!
   Thursday, we invade! 

That one doesn't make you jump up and down with glee? 

Then you are not Slovak.

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Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

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Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.

- Author Unknown
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