[Vision2020] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

[Tom Hansen]

With thanks to Tim Lohrmann a wide variety of celebrities ponder the
question . . .

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on
"THIS" side of the road before it goes after the
problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we
need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting
by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before
adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So
instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes
and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for
us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image . . of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I
was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not
for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
(A male chicken???)
 
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American!

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to
a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with
a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why
it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
going to the "other side." That's why they call it the
"other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as
plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough.
 
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart
warming story of how it experienced a serious case
of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long
dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet
xplorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...
#@&&;^( C \ .... Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

-------------

Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"Madness does not always howl.  Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end
of the day saying, 'Hey, is there room in your head for one more?'"

- Author Unknown