[Vision2020] Enroll Now for Balanced Classes

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (October 14, 2005) UI Argonaut with a very special thanks to
Frank McGovern.

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Enroll now for balanced classes    
    
Written by Frank McGovern -Argonaut 
    
Friday, 14 October 2005
  
I may be an anti-establishment, France-loving, brie-eating, wine-sipping,
New York Times-reading, cow-tipping liberal elitist, but I've never been out
there enough to distrust my own school.

(I know cow-tipping doesn't have anything to do with politics, but have you
ever done it? The cows get this stupid look on their stupid faces and fall
over. It is awesome.)

That's why I was shocked to the very core of my core being to find out that
our university only teaches a geocentric model of our solar system.

For those of you that are unaware, geocentricity was a ridiculous theory
insisted upon, sometimes to the point of torture and death, for centuries by
fundamentalist Christians. Thankfully, nowadays, that kind of backwards
nonsense has no place in an educated society.

I always thought as an educated, urbane, sophisticated college student I
knew everything there was to know about astrology. I'm referring, of course,
to the shocking letter students received purporting to be from the office of
President White. In light of the shocking implications of that letter,
there's only one thing we can do as UI students. We must transfer to the
only school in Moscow that includes enlightened scientific discourse in its
curriculum: New St. Andrews.

Therefore, I feel compelled to submit for your perusal a sample listing of
the most popular courses I've picked out from its spring-semester class
catalogue. Here you go.

Biology 101: Why god has made nature lie for the past six billion years.

Geology 101: Dinosaurs: Satan's practical joke.

(Unfortunately, these were the only science courses listed.)

History 102: Moonlight and magnolias: A complete survey of southern
documentaries from "Birth of a Nation" to "Gone with the Wind." What Moscow,
Idaho can learn from the Confederacy.

History 154: "Southern Slavery as it Was:" Doug Wilson shocks and awes
"real" historians with his historical acumen. (Known in the intolerista
community as "Real historians giggling at revisionist 'research.'")

History 212: The history of slavery: Look, in some cases slavery was OK, and
in some cases it wasn't. It just depends on the religion of the slave
master, unless they were also mean. (History 212 is not to be taken in
conjunction with Philosophy 110: The secularist lie of relativism.)

Sociology 301: Contemporary culture - sex and violence. Coping with the
depravity of modern society through the Bible. Suggested readings: Song of
Songs (Solomon), Leviticus and Revelations.

Literature 101: A thorough survey of all history's great literature from A
to W. (Book of Acts to Doug Wilson.)

English 101: Rhetorical writing - "In Vino Logos Credenda." Lend legitimacy
to your uninformed arguments using the patented Wilson Method: The inclusion
of painfully pretentious Greek and Latin words.

Home Economics 257: Beards and bowties. The two B's to fascist fashion
success in 2006.

Communications 102: Persuasive public speaking. Defending all of your
arguments with the patented Wilson Method. Formerly listed as: "Oh yeah?
Well, you're the intolerant one for even calling me intolerant!"

Communications/English Interdisciplinary 102: Get your work published today.
Helpful tips on creating your own printing press.

One of the more intriguing features of the catalogue was the God Works in
Mysterious Ways (GWMW) section, a sub-category of classes committed to
exploring the world's mysteries near and far.

GWMW 101: Why God refuses to bless our school with accreditation.

GWMW 102: Why God cursed darker peoples of the world with inferior cultures
- if they can even be called cultures. Not that those people themselves are
inferior mind you.

So there it is. It's about time UI students had a little diversity in our
educational options.

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Take care, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Just Another Intolerista Liberal Elitista Secularista Diversity-Cleansing
Wacko Nutjob Loose in the Palouse Doing What Comes Natural

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Vote on November 8th because you care . . .

For our kids
For our neighborhoods
For our town 

VOTE AARON AMENT FOR CITY COUNCIL

http://www.aaronament.net

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