[Vision2020] Homosexuality

[keely emerinemix]

Good morning, Chas --

I appreciate your eloquence, honesty, irenic spirit and your trust.  I hope 
it's reciprocated, both on-list and off.  You've taken a real risk, and I 
think you probably touched a few hearts.  Mine, for one.

May you also be spared further teenage-boy discussions of film.  I have been 
driven to a most uncharitable fit of craziness by my 16-year-old nephew, who 
will probably go to the grave uttering the phrase, "Duhhhh . . . 'Star Wars' 
isn't science fiction, it's FANTASY!"

If I were his mother, I'd sentence him to thrice-weekly screenings of the 
entire Steven Seagal catalog until he repents . . .

Hope you're feeling better these days,

keely


From: Chasuk <chasuk at gmail.com>
To: "josephc at mail.wsu.edu" <josephc at mail.wsu.edu>
CC: vision2020 at moscow.com
Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Homosexuality
Date: Sun, 6 Nov 2005 01:33:11 -0800

I generally refuse to defend my sexuality, but this discussion has
lingered, so right now I'm experiencing the emotion that grips me
after listening to teenagers debate the best films of the last 50
years.  They start with Titanic and end with Dodgeball.  They don't
recognize the names Billy Wilder or Stanley Kubrick.  Don't
misinterpret; I'm not denigrating the opinions of anyone on this
forum.  On the contrary, I'm sincerely thankful for the many examples
of thoughtfulness and eloquence I've recently encountered here,
especially considering the controversial nature of the topic.  Still,
my typing-fingers are turning blue -- I've sat on them long enough.

I've been a sexual being since before kindergarten.  By the time I was
six, I'd played Doctor with nearly all of the kids in a a several
block radius.  This wasn't because I'd been molested, or exposed to
heinous pornography.  I was just horny, for girls and for boys.  I
didn't care then, and I don't care now, whether the cause was nurture
or nature.  Yes, I honestly was introspective enough -- by the time I
was eight, anyway -- to wonder what made me different from the
majority of my friends.  However, I concluded that everything was
okay.  Sex was fun.  I hadn't hurt anyone.  I still feel that way
today.

Things grew more complicated when I began to grapple with labels.  I
guess I was about sixteen.  Was I straight?  Was I bisexual?  Was I
queer?  Bisexual seemed to be the label that fit best, but by that
time I'd realized that I didn't like being a boy, so what did that
mean?  If I was really a girl -- and this is indeed how I felt -- did
that make me a lesbian, when I was sexually attracted to girls?  Queer
and lesbian seemed entirely different creatures.  I hadn't figured out
yet that sexuality and gender were so fluid.

I had experimental sex with males and females, but not any "serious"
sex until I got married.  I didn't have any preferences, but sex with
girls was certainly easier in a social sense.  My life as as public
heterosexual was thus ensured, as I've always been inclined to choose
the easier option.  I don't have any regrets.  I've been with a
partner that I love for 24 years, which is a good thing by any
measure.

To backtrack a bit: a few years outside of adolescence (all right,
nearly two decades outside of adolescence!), I finally came out of the
closet.  A person that I love and respect came out to me, and I felt
like reciprocating.  I then became involved in various GLBT
activities, but that tapered off after a few unfortunate incidents
involving battling egos.  I don't normally share this information, but
I've come to trust (most of) the members of Vision2020 as
non-judgemental and caring: yes, this is possibly naive on my part,
but I don't know how to be anyone else but me.

I do go to the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Palouse when I
feel the need for spiritual edification.  I feel an odd kinship for
Catholics, maybe because I've known a few gay Catholic priests, and a
few atheist Catholic priests, and even a few gay atheist Catholic
priests.  However, essentially, if the sanctified hierarchy of a given
faith doesn't accept me for who I am, then I vote by not setting my
butt in their pews.

Was this rambling contribution useful to anybody?

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