[Vision2020] [Humor] Gay for Good: Can Straight Guys Become Happy Homosexuals?

[Tom Hansen]

Gay for Good: Can straight guys become happy homosexuals? 
By Jefferson Morley

"Most mental-health organizations have passed resolutions discouraging the
use of so-called reparative therapies intended to change homosexuals into
heterosexuals, saying no scientific evidence exists to show they are
effective." -- New York Times, May 9, 2001

To people who say that psychotherapy cannot change a person's sexual
orientation, Dr. Rafe Da Vinci of Miami Beach says, "Numbers aren't straight
or queer, they're clear. And the numbers show that therapy can change
orientation, especially among men."

Da Vinci, a veteran psychiatrist with a booming practice in a Collins Avenue
high-rise, is attracting growing attention in the debate about so-called
"reparative therapies" that seek to change a person's sexual orientation.
Doctors, gay rights activists, and others who say that sexual orientation is
determined early in life have questioned claims that people with homosexual
tendencies can overcome them via psychotherapy. Da Vinci's practice focuses
on an oft-neglected group at the heart of this debate: straight men who wish
to become gay.

"Survey data from submarines, discos, and prisons show that anywhere from 9
to 23 percent of males say they have a desire to become gay," Da Vinci said
in a recent interview. "I think we have shown that these same men, if they
commit themselves to an intensive course of therapy, can become happy
homosexuals."

Heterosexual rights activists have questioned Da Vinci's data and criticized
his politics, saying that his practice stigmatizes perfectly normal straight
people and exploits their feelings of shame and guilt. Critics also allege
that Da Vinci supported a resolution at the 1978 American Congress of
Psychotherapists defining heterosexuality as a "uniquely vexing condition."
The motion was narrowly defeated. Da Vinci denies any intention of fomenting
intolerance of the straight lifestyle, saying that he was married to his
third wife at the time.

Bearded, avuncular, and outspoken, Da Vinci has attracted hundreds of
clients from all over south Florida with a controversial counseling regimen
that includes group discussions about how best to cope with the Sports
Illustrated swimsuit issue. There are also frequent trips to Dean & DeLuca
and a reading list that includes Remembrance of Things Past, Dennis Rodman's
memoirs, and The Seven Habits of Highly Homosexual People.

"In Freudian terms, we seek to reverse the Oedipal cycle, transferring the
object identification with the unrealizable female Other into a more
cognitive attachment to a responsible male, preferably one with a BMW," Da
Vinci explained.

Originally a skeptic about reparative therapies, Da Vinci now says he is a
believer.

"The non-straight heterosexual can reconcile his value system and his
orientation," he says. "I've seen it happen in my office."

Da Vinci's latest book, Going Gay (Gomorrah Press), is now ranked 14,342 on
the Amazon.com best-seller list and is climbing rapidly. His claims of
success, while hotly disputed by heterosexual rights activists, are
beginning to receive respectful coverage in professional journals. Last year
Da Vinci published a peer-reviewed article in the Journal of Gendered
Genetics that is stirring debate on the Internet and on talk radio shows in
some parts of Western Australia.

Out of 111 men who had undergone his "Gay for Good" course of therapy for at
least a year, Da Vinci reported that 29 said that they no longer had sexual
fantasies involving Rachel from Friends. An additional 21 men reported that
while they still hoped to date Anna Kournikova someday, they were "somewhat
happier" with their homosexual lifestyle. Da Vinci acknowledges that a
slight majority of the men, 55 in total, reverted back to a straight
lifestyle. Six of the reversion group, he noted, had committed suicide.

"Clearly, this therapy isn't for everybody," Da Vinci said.

The most common motivating factors cited by men who want to become gay,
according to Da Vinci's survey, were "morality" (58 percent), "better
clothes" (39 percent), and "more quality time at the gym" (28 percent).

"A lot of these guys say they deeply believe that it's just not right to get
into a reproductive relationship in an era of dwindling natural resources,"
Da Vinci said. "Others want to uphold the moral values exemplified by
Western thinkers from Socrates to Allan Bloom."

Da Vinci expressed surprise that among the motivations of those seeking to
stay gay for good, "more sexual partners" only barely edged out "less
watching of football" (22 percent to 21 percent). He said older patients in
his study group most often cited "live like Cary Grant" (11 percent) and "a
lot more sexual partners" (9 percent) as reasons for leaving the straight
lifestyle. Younger clients spoke of "increased opportunities for meeting
Ricky Martin in person" (5 percent).

Garth LeBouche, executive director of the Straight Support Network, a
heterosexual activist group based in Arlington, Texas, decried Da Vinci's
claims as "agenda-driven."

He criticized Da Vinci's reports about heterosexual suicide. According to
published interviews, two of the men cited in Da Vinci's study had not
committed suicide but had perished from heat exhaustion at a PTA meeting. A
third fatality, LeBouche said, had strangled on a Happy Meal toy while
playing with his 4-year-old son.

"Do those sound like men who died unhappy about their heterosexuality?"
LeBouche said in a telephone interview. "Only an intolerant extremist would
say such a thing."

LeBouche praised the recent decision of the Bush administration to reverse
an executive order issued by President Clinton on his last day in office
that would have included "Gay for Good" on a list of reparative therapies
paid for by the U.S. Navy's health plan.

"This crazy notion that we can talk people into loving someone else should
not be financed by the U.S. taxpayer," LeBouche said.

Da Vinci, a registered Republican who voted for McCain, says he regrets the
administration's decision but will not contest it.

"Ending coverage will most likely hurt unit morale. On those submarines
where the presence of straight people may be perceived by homosexuals as
incompatible with tradition, the Gay for Good program helped some sailors
fit in. Now, unhappy heterosexuals, who I suspect voted overwhelmingly for
Bush, will have nowhere to turn. It's sad."

The tanned and buff doctor scoffs at published reports in the gay press that
he is a closet heterosexual. He says that he and his longtime spiritual
companion of three weeks, physical trainer Ferdinand Mateo of Brazil, are
now seeking to develop conversion therapy for women.

"Our research," Da Vinci says, "suggests that up to 72 percent of all adult
females say that heterosexual men are either emotionally unavailable,
financially untrustworthy, sexually selfish, hygienically challenged, prone
to illusions of grandeur, or all of the above. If we can help millions of
women to become lesbians, we think that would probably be a net plus for
human happiness."

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Take care, Moscow.

Tom Hansen