[Vision2020] Think You're Ready for the Mayor's Office?

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (June 30, 2005) Spokesman Review -

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Think you're ready for the mayor's office?
 
Doug Clark
The Spokesman-Review

June 30, 2005

The quest to send Spokane Mayor Jim West packing has entered the Death March
Stage.

West's lawyers have filed what they call a "timely" appeal of a judge's
decision that opened the door for a recall election. The issue is whether
the mayor broke the law by offering gifts, favors and positions at City Hall
to young men he met on a gay chat line.

In a counter move, the recall people have asked the Washington State Supreme
Court to put its review of West's appeal on the fast track.

We all know what happens when terms like "timely" and "fast track" are used
in legal matters.

The answer should arrive by the next Ice Age.

Well, I'm not going to sit around and order snow shoes. Now is the time to
decide what kind of person we want leading Spokane. So please take my
multiple choice Mayor's Morality Quiz. (Circle your answers.)


1. An unmarried mayor should date:

A. People his own age.

B. People his own gender.

C. Farmer McDougal's llama.


2. A strong mayor:

A. Gets the streets fixed.

B. Boosts the business climate.

C. Becomes a Jay Leno punch line.


3. When appearing on NBC's "Today" show, a strong mayor should never:

A. Admit he's a thespian.

B. Admit he's sexually ambidextrous.

C. Ask Matt Lauer if he has any hot teenage sons.


4. An acceptable Internet alias for a mayor is:

A. RightBi-Guy.

B. SumYoung-Guy.

C. MayoRmunky-SpankR.


5. A strong mayor is:

A. A great orator.

B. A great negotiator.

C. An awesome prom date.


6. It is bad form for a mayor to:

A. Pay a constituent for a vote.

B. Pay a constituent for a naked swim.

C. Enter the Miss Spokane pageant as a drag queen.


7. A strong mayor gets in touch with the city's youth by:

A. Hosting a battle-of-the-bands.

B. Sponsoring a Hoopfest team.

C. Touching the city's youth.


8. The key to strong mayor survival is:

A. Listening to the public.

B. Listening to the City Council.

C. Hiring an oily defense team.


9. A mayor caught with his pants down should:

A. Resign for the sake of the city.

B. Go to church and find Jesus.

C. Open an online dating service.


10. A mayor offering City Hall perks to potential lovers is:

A. Misusing his power.

B. Guilty of malfeasance.

C. Knows how to score.


11. A mayor can build public interest in council meetings by:

A. Providing free coffee and doughnuts.

B. Awarding attendance certificates.

C. Hiring Chippendales strippers for the flag salute.


12. A mayor who pleasures himself in his office:

A. Won't get re-elected.

B. Should get his head examined.

C. Has redefined the political grip-and-grin.


13. A strong mayor prefers:

A. Boxers.

B. Briefs.

C. Winsome lads in letter jackets.


14. A mayor who resigns should be replaced by:

A. City Council president.

B. Deputy mayor.

C. Michael Jackson.


15. A strong mayor has a sign in his office that reads:

A. "The Buck Stops Here!"

B. "Spokane. Near Nature. Near Perfect."

C. "If the Desk is a-Rockin' - Don't Come a-Knockin'!"

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Take care, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"What is objectionable, what is dangerous, about extremists is not that they
are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say
about their cause, but what they say about their opponents."

-- Robert F. Kennedy