[Vision2020] "Why I'm joining the GOP, " Jeff Gillenkird (SF Gate, 5/29/05

[Debbie Gray]

Why I'm joining the GOP Leaving the left for fun and profit - 
Jeff Gillenkirk (from the SAN FRANCISCO GATE) 
Sunday, May 29, 2005  

After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic 
candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the 
switch and become a Republican.  

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 
recently and, having lived more than half my life, I can't 
afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.  

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- 
pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any 
reason. To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire 
protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of the 
airwaves.  

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though 
our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its 
creditors. But that's someone else's problem, not mine. 
Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.  

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for 
everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like 
posterity and natural legacy. There are plenty of resources left 
for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.  

I want a party that doesn't worry about things before we have 
to. Republicans refuse to get hog-tied by theories such as 
global warming, ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and 
disappearing wetlands. The real problems -- if there are any -- 
aren't forecast to take hold for at least 50 years. So what do I 
care? I'll be dead.  

As a Republican, I can swagger and clamor for war -- in Iraq, 
Afghanistan, Colombia, wherever -- even though I've never fought 
in one or even been in the military. I can claim that we're 
fighting for Democracy, ignoring reports of torture at Abu 
Ghraib, Bagram Air Base and Guantanamo Bay, and a spreading 
gulag of secret detention centers around the world.  

Freedom, as every American should know after spending $300 
billion for wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, isn't free.  

As a Republican, I can insist on strict moral values when it 
comes to sex and ignore the growing moral chasms in business, 
politics, sports, journalism and the leadership of the Roman 
Catholic Church.  

A society that loses control of its sexual urges faces unwanted 
pregnancies, socially transmitted disease, broken families. 
Those overzealous about wealth, however, produce only a higher 
GDP, lifelong security for their family and more minimum wage 
jobs for the lower classes. What's wrong with that?  

As a Republican, I can favor strict punishment of criminals, 
except for those who happen to be my friends or neighbors. Isn't 
that the very definition of community -- looking out for friends 
and family?  

I will be pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, pro-child but 
anti-child care, for education but against funding of public 
schools. As a Republican, I'll have a better chance of getting 
to spout my opinions in the media, which for some reason seems 
convinced that since Bush was re-elected with the smallest 
electoral margin of any sitting president in history, liberals 
are passe.  

As a Republican, I'll say goodbye to "old Jesus" and hello to 
"new Jesus. " Sure Christ started out as a liberal Jew, and look 
where that got him. Compassion, love and diatribes against the 
rich only encourage the weak and punish the most successful 
among us. The Jesus that Republicans worship is a muscular, 
decisive, pro-war crusader hard at work cleansing the world of 
evildoers, not, God forbid, turning the other cheek.  

My decision to become a Republican didn't come easily. For years 
I clung to the idea that the foundation of a democratic society 
was our implied social contract, each of us committing some 
level of personal sacrifice to the common good of all.  

I regarded taxes as dues we pay for better roads and schools, 
safe inspection of meat and dairy products, maintenance of parks 
and protection of wilderness areas. I see now that looking out 
for the common good resulted in shortchanging the most important 
element in this formula -- me.  

Let Democrats continue promising the "greatest good for the 
greatest number." Republicans clearly have my number -- No. 1.  

I'm sure a lot of my friends reading this will ask me, "How can 
you sleep?" My answer will be, "Who's got time? I'm busy earning 
money." While they're bellyaching about rising deficits, the 
outsourcing of jobs and casualties in Iraq, I'll be marveling at 
the march of freedom in the Middle East, upticks in the GDP and 
the president's plan to link Social Security to the magic of the 
marketplace.  

As a Republican, I simply won't listen to bad news anymore. Bad 
news doesn't get me or my family anywhere. If you don't have 
anything good to say about somebody, don't say anything at all --
 

unless it happens to be about a Democrat, of course.  

Jeff Gillenkirk was a speechwriter for former New York Gov. 
Mario Cuomo. He lives in San Francisco. Contact us at 
insight at sfchronicle.com.  

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