[Vision2020] State of the Union drinking game

[Carl Westberg]

If you absolutely, positively have to watch the State of the Union address 
tonight.  I'll be playing 18 virtual holes at Pebble Beach instead.          
                                                                             
                                                                             
                                                                             
                                  Carl Westberg Jr.






>The George W Bush 2005 State of the Union Drinking Game
>White guy in suit looks to extend winning streak
>
>by Will Durst
>
>What you will need:
>
>
>Four taxpayers: including 1 white guy wearing a suit, 2 people wearing 
>normal clothes (one wearing a blue shirt, the other in a red shirt) and 1 
>dressed as an old person. (Note: shawls are nice)
>A shot glass per person. Everybody brings one, group them on table. White 
>guy in suit gets first choice, red shirt picks second and blue shirt gets 
>third choice.
>Bowl each of guacamole and chips.
>5 bucks. Everybody antes.
>Much beer. Senior citizen gets cheapest crap you can find, like Old 
>Milwaukee Lite: white guy in suit drinks import of choice and everyone else 
>chips in to buy it; the other two fight it out over Bud and Miller Lite.
>Rules of the game:
>
>1. Whenever President Bush uses the words: "tax relief," "mandate" or 
>"bipartisan," drink a shot of beer.
>
>2. Whenever George W mispronounces "Allawi," "nuclear" or "terrorism," last 
>person to knock on wood drinks two shots of beer.
>
>3. If he mispronounces "shiite": first person to stop laughing exempt from 
>drinking three shots.
>
>4. If the President says the word "Texas," last person to give the longhorn 
>sign and yell "Yeehah!" has to drink two shots of beer.
>
>5. Whenever George W talks about saving social security, senior citizen 
>takes a shot of beer. First time the President uses the word 
>"personalization," take two shots. Add another shot for each additional 
>"personalization."
>
>6. If Vice President Dick Cheney is caught napping on camera, white guy in 
>suit has to drink a whole beer.
>
>7. Whenever George W Bush talks about the evils of abortion or the sanctity 
>of marriage, last person to fall to their knees drinks two shots of beer.
>
>8. Whenever George W mentions the liberty or freedom of the Iraqi people, 
>stand up, salute with your right hand and drink a shot of beer with your 
>left hand. If he's talking about the liberty or freedom of the American 
>people, stand up, salute with your left hand and drink a shot of beer with 
>your right hand. First person to mess up has to drink two more shots. White 
>guy in suit is exempt from mistakes.
>
>9. The first time George Bush uses the phrases "activist judges," and 
>"trial lawyers," first person to stand up and yell, "I'm out of order? 
>You're out of order," is exempt from having to drink three shots of beer.
>
>10. If only half of televised audience gives George W a standing ovation, 
>red shirt and white guy in suit have to drink shots of beer for duration of 
>applause. If either Teddy Kennedy, Hillary Clinton or John Kerry are shown 
>not standing, blue shirt and senior citizen take over till Bush resumes 
>speaking. Double time if Senators are not applauding.
>
>11. If George W Bush mentions "Halliburton," "exit strategy" or his 
>inability to find Weapons of Mass Destruction or Osama bin Laden, white guy 
>in suit has to drink a shot of everybody else's beer out of their shot 
>glass, and they get to wipe their glass clean on his jacket.
>
>12. Whenever George W mentions the phrase "prescription drug plan," take a 
>shot of beer. The first time this happens, last person to finish has to 
>drink two more shots of beer and take out the trash during the Democratic 
>Response. White guy in suit and red shirt need not recycle.
>
>Extras:
>
>1. Everybody gets to kick the crap out of white guy in suit for 15 seconds, 
>only if Karl Rove's transmission link breaks and Bush begins to mumble 
>excerpts from Hugo Weaving's soliloquy on how humans smell in the first 
>"Matrix."
>
>2. White guy in suit gets to kick the old person if George W uses a 
>heartfelt story of a senior citizen's grace under pressure to illustrate a 
>point. Twice if cat food is mentioned. The elder gets 15 seconds to kick 
>white guy in suit only if Bush reveals the anecdotal senior is in the 
>audience and sitting next to an astronaut. 30 seconds if the adjacent seat 
>holds a member of the Bush family. 1 full minute if it's Jenna.
>
>3. Remaining guacamole goes home with senior citizen who also gets to keep 
>Tupperware container.
>
>4. White guy in suit wins pot.
>
>Political comic Will Durst will be playing this game with friends. Needs a 
>red shirt.
>
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