[Vision2020] Bush's Smoke and Mirrors

[Ron Force]

>From Andy Borowitz:

BUSH SEEKS ANSWERS ON IRAQ FROM 'JEOPARDY' CHAMPION

Game Show Set Recreated in White House Basement

President George W. Bush has sought answers on Iraq from Ken Jennings, the
champion of the popular game show "Jeopardy," White House aides confirmed
today.

Mr. Bush first came to believe that Mr. Jennings might have the answers on
Iraq when he saw the game-show whiz on television earlier this summer,
telling aides, "That there is the smartest man in the world."

After contacting Mr. Jennings, White House aides began constructing a
mock-up of the "Jeopardy!" set in the basement of the White House and
enlisted "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek to reprise his usual role.

Instead of the usual potpourri of "Jeopardy!" questions, however, the
special White House edition had only categories that pertained to the crisis
in Iraq, such as "ANGRY SHIITES," "RUPTURED OIL PIPELINES," and "MASSIVE
POWER OUTAGES."

According to those who saw Mr. Jennings play the special Iraqi version, the
champ breezed through most of the questions but was stumped when he got to
"EXIT STRATEGIES" for $100.

"The most likely outcome of the war in Iraq, this should happen by the end
of 2005," Mr. Trebek read.

"What is civil war and total chaos?" Mr. Jennings guessed.

"No, I'm sorry," Mr. Trebek replied. "The correct question is, 'What is a
thriving Middle Eastern democracy and a beacon of hope for the entire
region?'"

Mr. Bush, disappointed by Mr. Jennings' performance, reportedly told aides,
"Ken Jennings may be the smartest man in the world but when it comes to Iraq
he's as dumb as a post."

Elsewhere, in yet another embarrassment for CBS, the network today
acknowledged that "not everyone" loves Raymond.