[Vision2020] Norwegian Wood, please.

[Joan Opyr]

Ted writes:

"Is it OK to say 'sleeping together?'  I mean, think of what sort of images this might suggest in the impressionable minds of youth: horrible snoring, sleep in the eyes, and morning wood!  Joan, using the word 'sex' is really too graphic for V2020.  We should use euphemisms like 'sleeping together,' though I wonder if this is still too suggestive... A term like 'morning wood,' though, is understood by nearly all teenaged boys, while sounding like a chore that must be done in the winter to warm the house before breakfast.  I better quit now before I really get into trouble here.."

I'm sorry, Ted, but the term "morning wood" is not acceptable.  What the hell would I know about morning wood?  It's true that I was once obliged to rely on a pellet stove for a.m. comfort, but now I have central heat.  And propane.  I don't need matches, I don't need old newspapers, and I don't need an ax.  I just need to crank up the ever-ready-and-willing thermostat and put a nice Beatles CD in the player.  Works every time.  (This, dear Visionaries, is the sum total of the lesbian agenda.  Central heat, propane, and mood music.  Feel free to pass this information on to Doug Wilson, Pat Robertson, and any other confused nutter who might come to mind.  It's time we cleared up all the confusion about wanting to take over the world and corrupt America's youth, etc., etc.)   
That said, I don't want to come off as homocentric because I'm not.  I think there's something more to the Carville-Matalin marriage than just money or convenient, perpetual and meaningless argument.  I think, in fact, that there might be something quite profound and artsy-fartsy contributing to their relationship.  To wit:
James once had a girl, or should I say, she once had him.  
She showed him her spin room, is not it good, Republican wood?  
She asked him to stay and she told him to sit anywhere,  
So he looked around but then he saw George Bush in a chair.  
James sat on a rug, biding his time, drinking her wine.  
They talked until two and then she said, "It's time for bed."  
She told him she worked for King Geoge and then started to laugh.  
James said he worked for Bill Clinton, and Mary said "go sleep in the bath."  
And when James awoke there was Mary, still GOP.  
So James lit a fire, is not it good, Democrat wood?

Norwegian Wood: the bane of straight women everywhere.  I pity them, I do

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
  
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me.
She  
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me.
She showed me her room, isn’t it good, norwegian wood?  
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn’t a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "it’s time for bed".
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn’t and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
And when I awoke I was alone, this bird had flown.
So I lit a fire, isn’t it good, norwegian wood.
showed me her room, isn’t it good, norwegian wood?  
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn’t a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "it’s time for bed".
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn’t and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
And when I awoke I was alone, this bird had flown.
So I lit a fire, isn’t it good, norwegian wood.

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