[Vision2020] FW: NYTimes.com Article: Op-Ed Columnist: A Not So Wonderful Life

Mon Dec 20 12:33:39 PST 2004

Even though I'd be perfectly happy to never sit through another showing of 
"It's a Wonderful Life" again, Maureen Dowd does justice to it with this bit 
of whimsy.  Life without Donald Rumsfeld.                                    

        Carl Westberg Jr.

>Op-Ed Columnist: A Not So Wonderful Life
>
>December 19, 2004
>  By MAUREEN DOWD
>
>
>
>
>
>EXTERIOR BRIDGE OVER POTOMAC RIVER - NIGHT
>
>CLOSE SHOT - Rummy is standing by the railing, staring
>morosely into the water. The snow is falling hard. Feeling
>a tap on his shoulder, he wheels around and wrestles an old
>man with wings into a headlock.
>
>OLD MAN: Ouch! Tut, tut. When will you learn that force
>doesn't solve everything?
>
>RUMMY: Who the dickens are you?
>
>OLD MAN: Clarence, Angel
>First Class. I've been sent down to help you.
>
>RUMMY, squinting: You're off your nut, you old fruitcake.
>You can't help me. I was a matinee idol in this town, a
>studmuffin. Now everyone's turned on me - Trent Lott, Chuck
>Hagel and that dadburn McCain.
>
>CLARENCE: No more self-pity, son. I'm going to show you
>what the world would have been like if you'd never been
>born.
>
>Clarence, who can fly now, takes Rummy's hand and they soar
>over the icy Potomac to the Pentagon. Beneath the glass on
>the desk of the defense secretary is a list of members of
>Congress and their phone numbers.
>
>RUMMY: Who put that there?
>
>CLARENCE: Sam Nunn. He's the
>defense secretary. Sam consults with Congress. Never acts
>arrogant or misleads them. He didn't banish the generals
>who challenged him - he promoted 'em. And, of course, he
>caught Osama back in '01. He threw 100,000 troops into
>Afghanistan on 9/11 and sealed the borders. Our Special
>Forces trapped the evildoer and his top lieutenants at Tora
>Bora. You weren't at that cabinet meeting the day after
>9/11, so nobody suggested going after Saddam. No American
>troops died or were maimed in Iraq. No American soldiers
>tortured Iraqis in Abu Ghraib. No Iraqi explosives fell
>into the hands of terrorists. There's no office of
>disinformation to twist perception abroad. We're not on the
>cusp of an Iraq run by Muslim clerics tied to Iran. Here's
>Sam. He's with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs.
>
>GENERAL SHINSEKI: We got some good news today on the
>National Guard, sir. Recruiting is up 40 percent. With the
>money we saved killing that useless missile defense system,
>we up-armored all our Humvees.
>
>RUMMY, fists and jaw clenched: Grrrrrrr...I want to see
>Wolfie!
>
>CLARENCE: Sam never hired any of those wacko neocons.
>Wolfowitz is a woolly headed professor at the Johns Hopkins
>School of Advanced International Studies, and a consultant
>to Ariel Sharon. Richard Perle was never in charge of the
>Defense Policy Board, so he was unable to enrich himself
>through government connections, or help Ahmad Chalabi con
>the administration. Perle stayed an honest man, running a
>chain of soufflé shops. His soufflés were so fluffy he
>became known as the Prince of Lightness. Doug Feith never
>worked here, either, so he never set up the Office of
>Special Plans to spin tall tales about W.M.D. and Qaeda
>ties to Saddam. And he never bungled the occupation because
>there was no occupation. Without you to swoon over in a
>book, neocon doyenne Midge Decter became a fallen woman,
>like Violet.
>
>RUMMY, dyspeptic: Holy mackerel! Take me to Dick!
>
>
>CLARENCE: Dick and Lynne run a bait, tackle and
>baton-twirling shop in Casper, Wyo. You didn't exist, so
>you never gave him those jobs in the Nixon and Ford
>administrations, and he never ran for Congress or worked
>for Bush 41 or anointed himself 43's vice president. W.
>chose Chuck Hagel as his running mate. So without you and
>Dick there to dominate him, he was guided by his dad and
>Brent Scowcroft, who kept Condi in line. Colin Powell was
>never cut off at the knees and the U.N. and allies were
>never bullied. There was never any crazy fever about Iraq
>or unilateralism or "Old Europe." Here's Colin now, heading
>for the Oval Office.
>
>POWELL: Merry Christmas, Mr. President. With the help of
>our allies around the world, we have won the war on terror.
>And Saddam has been overthrown. Once Hans Blix exposed the
>fact that Saddam had no weapons, the tyrant was a goner. No
>Arab dictator can afford to be humilated by a Swedish
>disarmament lawyer.
>
>RUMMY: Goodness gracious, I've heard enough now. I'm going
>home. Unless you're going to tell me my wife is an old
>maid, because I wasn't around to marry her.
>
>CLARENCE: Oh, no. Joyce lives across the street from your
>old house on Kalorama Road. She's happily married to the
>French ambassador.
>
>"Auld Lang Syne" swells as we FADE OUT.
>
>
>http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/19/opinion/19dowd.html?ex=1104560332&ei=1&en=743d45f6aa37dbe0
>
>
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