[Vision2020] Ten reasons to invade Canada

[Carl Westberg]

While we're invading Canada, we must give pause to think about Turkey.  If 
they don't let us base troops there, we have to consider Thanksgiving.  
Looks like we're gonna have to rename the bird.  This might increase the 
sales of tofurkey, unless there's a country called Tofu that Bush and Rumsey 
are mad at.                                                                  
                                                                             
Carl Westberg Jr.






>From: "Joan Opyr" <auntiestablishment@hotmail.com>
>To: "Vision2020 Moscow" <vision2020@moscow.com>
>Subject: [Vision2020] Ten reasons to invade Canada
>Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 13:22:50 -0800
>
>Ten Reasons for Invading Canada:
>
>1. Shania Twain.  This Toronto native's latest hit is brazenly entitled 
>"I'm Gonna Getcha Good!"  I've heard the song.  I've seen the video.  It's 
>clearly a threat.
>
>2. The Red Green Show.  Long before Tom Ridge came along, Mr. Green 
>referred to duct tape as "the handy man's secret weapon."  We must freeze 
>the assets of Possum Lodge.
>
>3. Wayne Gretzky.  He's known worldwide as "The Great One."  This is in 
>marked contrast to our own international sobriquet, The Great Satan.  Also, 
>why is it that in poll after poll he has continued to be named Canada's 
>most popular citizen despite the fact that he hasn't lived there since he 
>was traded from Edmonton to Los Angeles fifteen years ago?  Retired or not, 
>he's clearly a sleeper.  (NB: When I was a kid, we used to repair our 
>hockey sticks with duct tape.  I think this is significant.  See item #2.)
>
>4. Leonard Cohen.  His compositions are clearly meant to depress and 
>demoralize the average American listener.  Ditto Joni Mitchell.
>
>5. Victoria, BC.  Okay, there's nothing wrong with Victoria.  I just think 
>the Butchart Gardens are nicer than Camp David.
>
>6. Jim Carrey.  For crimes against comedy.
>
>7. Jim Carrey.  For crimes against acting.
>
>8. Jim Carrey.  For reminding us of Andy Kaufman.
>
>9. Jim Carrey.  For reminding us of Jerry Lewis.
>
>10. Jim Carrey.  For crimes against comedy and acting and for reminding us 
>of Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lewis.
>
>--Joan Opyr, AKA Auntie Establishment     Get more from the Web.  FREE MSN 
>Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com


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